me can be said for times when we do not reach our goals. When we have a goal that we do not meet, we must analyze the goal itself to locate the anomaly and correct the error without blatant disregard for our own associative emotionality through self-hatred. (i.e., We do not want to deconstruct the affective domain of thinking, but rather use it in order to construct a pragmatic worldview.) How we handle our self-perceived accomplishments and failures (i.e., how we place value on our realistically neutral thoughts and actions—whether positive or negative) depends on our analysis of external factors and internal objectives. For example: Did I fail/succeed based on ability or something out of my control? If the answer resides in the former, then adaptations need to be made. If the answer resides in the latter, then no internal blame can be placed on the individual. Of course, the answers to the former question may reside in our (un?)conscious reactions to our childhood.

As children, we are taught that love and affection (which lead to attention) are the sources that de

I have a difficult time believing that the cause of low self-esteem in adults is simply nestled in so-called reasons such as media, parenting, childhood, feelings of lack, or anything else external. It is easier for one to transfer the reasons of self-perceived "low" self-esteem and lacking self-worth on others than the self (especially as adults).

In order to understand self-esteem, we must look deeper into a person's critical thinking skills. Granted, self-esteem is predominately an emotional state of mind, but the logistics therein cannot be denied. Emotions are capable of being controlled by logical thinking in as far as analyzing the roots of problem self-esteem and generating some solution to better fit the individual's functioning and development.

The word "low" in respect to self-esteem is a relative term and norm-referenced; the term "problem" is much more pragmatic since it's individualistic and based on how one constructs and uses his/her self-esteem, hence making it criterion-based.

There is a difference between norm-referenced self-esteem and criterion-based self-esteem. Norm-based referencing, that is to say basing the logistics of self-esteem levels on others around us, is immediately setting us up for failure; however, most people possess this type of self-esteem even if it does imply inevitable self-criticism. Criterion-based referencing, which is clarity in understanding our own personal capabilities, is a much more valuable tool in developing self-esteem.

There is one obvious reason why norm-referenced self-esteem has its flaws: there is no standard except those we are trained to see in other people. Because humanity creates what it perceives, we have the capability to idealize those around us since we only know what a person shows us. Through this idealization, we create standards in our head that the observed specimen has already achieved, and we compare our similar accomplishments. This can lead to a flagrant deficiency in our knowledge of our personal abilities, and clouded judgment only compounds problem self-esteem because when we compare ourselves to others, we lose either way, no matter how "normal" it seems.

Norm-referenced self-esteem can also lead to competition, which may construct self-esteem based on (what is perceived to be) another's "failures." This type of fabricated self-esteem, where superiority complexes are really masked inferiority complexes, will only perpetrate the cycle of animosity and envy of perceived success in others. This can lead to problem self-esteem as well, as the "failures" of others are generally temporary.

Lacking self-sufficiency is ubiquitous in our society. Through media relations and peer evaluations (whether academic, social, occupational, or otherwise), we are allowing ourselves to be subject to another's opinion of us rather than taking into account our own opinion, and in doing so, we are permitting others to dictate who we are rather than rely on our own critical thinking skills to form an identity. Competition and conflict play key roles in the analysis of problem self-esteem.

The crux of the matter, in terms of norm-referenced self-esteem, is that the concept of expectations are widely assumed to be standards. When one reaches these standards, there is no room for praise. Success was expected. There is only room for failure, there is only room for criticism (and not the constructive kind). (I am, of course, speaking to and about adults regarding this and not children. It is obvious that until a child has reached a certain age--usually 9 or 10--that the child can begin to develop criterion-based self-esteem since the child's logical abilities to reason have developed further. Until that age, norm-referenced self-esteem needs to be utilized by parents and society, and criterion-based self-esteem needs to be transitionally implemented as the parent sees fit throughout the child's development.)

Conversely, criterion-based self-esteem brings about clarity and removes competition. By analyzing individual objectives and abilities, we are able to generate a ladder of sorts in order to reach any given standard and even go beyond it. When we reach those goals, positive reinforcement must be expected from the inside, regardless of external thoughts on the matter. The same can be said for times when we do not reach our goals. When we have a goal that we do not meet, we must analyze the goal itself to locate the anomaly and correct the error without blatant disregard for our own associative emotionality through self-hatred. (i.e., We do not want to deconstruct the affective domain of thinking, but rather use it in order to construct a pragmatic worldview.) How we handle our self-perceived accomplishments and failures (i.e., how we place value on our realistically neutral thoughts and actions—whether positive or negative) depends on our analysis of external factors and internal objectives. For example: Did I fail/succeed based on ability or something out of my control? If the answer resides in the former, then adaptations need to be made. If the answer resides in the latter, then no internal blame can be placed on the individual. Of course, the answers to the former question may reside in our (un?)conscious reactions to our childhood.

As children, we are taught that love and affection (which lead to attention) are the sources that def

d criterion-based self-esteem. Norm-based referencing, that is to say basing the logistics of self-esteem levels on others around us, is immediately setting us up for failure; however, most people possess this type of self-esteem even if it does imply inevitable self-criticism. Criterion-based referencing, which is clarity in understanding our own personal capabilities, is a much more valuable tool in developing self-esteem.

There is one obvious reason why norm-referenced self-esteem has its flaws: there is no standard except those we are trained to see in other people. Because humanity creates what it perceives, we have the capability to idealize those around us since we only know what a person shows us. Through this idealization, we create standards in our head that the observed specimen has already achieved, and we compare our similar accomplishments. This can lead to a flagrant deficiency in our knowledge of our personal abilities, and clouded judgment only compounds problem self-esteem because when we compare ourselves to others, we lose either way, no matter how "normal" it seems.

Norm-referenced self-esteem can also lead to competition, which may construct self-esteem based on (what is perceived to be) another's "failures." This type of fabricated self-esteem, where superiority complexes are really masked inferiority complexes, will only perpetrate the cycle of animosity and envy of perceived success in others. This can lead to problem self-esteem as well, as the "failures" of others are generally temporary.

Lacking self-sufficiency is ubiquitous in our society. Through media relations and peer evaluations (whether academic, social, occupational, or otherwise), we are allowing ourselves to be subject to another's opinion of us rather than taking into account our own opinion, and in doing so, we are permitting others to dictate who we are rather than rely on our own critical thinking skills to form an identity. Competition and conflict play key roles in the analysis of problem self-esteem.

The crux of the matter, in terms of norm-referenced self-esteem, is that the concept of expectations are widely assumed to be standards. When one reaches these standards, there is no room for praise. Success was expected. There is only room for failure, there is only room for criticism (and not the constructive kind). (I am, of course, speaking to and about adults regarding this and not children. It is obvious that until a child has reached a certain age--usually 9 or 10--that the child can begin to develop criterion-based self-esteem since the child's logical abilities to reason have developed further. Until that age, norm-referenced self-esteem needs to be utilized by parents and society, and criterion-based self-esteem needs to be transitionally implemented as the parent sees fit throughout the child's development.)

Conversely, criterion-based self-esteem brings about clarity and removes competition. By analyzing individual objectives and abilities, we are able to generate a ladder of sorts in order to reach any given standard and even go beyond it. When we reach those goals, positive reinforcement must be expected from the inside, regardless of external thoughts on the matter. The same can be said for times when we do not reach our goals. When we have a goal that we do not meet, we must analyze the goal itself to locate the anomaly and correct the error without blatant disregard for our own associative emotionality through self-hatred. (i.e., We do not want to deconstruct the affective domain of thinking, but rather use it in order to construct a pragmatic worldview.) How we handle our self-perceived accomplishments and failures (i.e., how we place value on our realistically neutral thoughts and actions—whether positive or negative) depends on our analysis of external factors and internal objectives. For example: Did I fail/succeed based on ability or something out of my control? If the answer resides in the former, then adaptations need to be made. If the answer resides in the latter, then no internal blame can be placed on the individual. Of course, the answers to the former question may reside in our (un?)conscious reactions to our childhood.

As children, we are taught that love and affection (which lead to attention) are the sources that de

w "normal" it seems.

Norm-referenced self-esteem can also lead to competition, which may construct self-esteem based on (what is perceived to be) another's "failures." This type of fabricated self-esteem, where superiority complexes are really masked inferiority complexes, will only perpetrate the cycle of animosity and envy of perceived success in others. This can lead to problem self-esteem as well, as the "failures" of others are generally temporary.

Lacking self-sufficiency is ubiquitous in our society. Through media relations and peer evaluations (whether academic, social, occupational, or otherwise), we are allowing ourselves to be subject to another's opinion of us rather than taking into account our own opinion, and in doing so, we are permitting others to dictate who we are rather than rely on our own critical thinking skills to form an identity. Competition and conflict play key roles in the analysis of problem self-esteem.

The crux of the matter, in terms of norm-referenced self-esteem, is that the concept of expectations are widely assumed to be standards. When one reaches these standards, there is no room for praise. Success was expected. There is only room for failure, there is only room for criticism (and not the constructive kind). (I am, of course, speaking to and about adults regarding this and not children. It is obvious that until a child has reached a certain age--usually 9 or 10--that the child can begin to develop criterion-based self-esteem since the child's logical abilities to reason have developed further. Until that age, norm-referenced self-esteem needs to be utilized by parents and society, and criterion-based self-esteem needs to be transitionally implemented as the parent sees fit throughout the child's development.)

Conversely, criterion-based self-esteem brings about clarity and removes competition. By analyzing individual objectives and abilities, we are able to generate a ladder of sorts in order to reach any given standard and even go beyond it. When we reach those goals, positive reinforcement must be expected from the inside, regardless of external thoughts on the matter. The same can be said for times when we do not reach our goals. When we have a goal that we do not meet, we must analyze the goal itself to locate the anomaly and correct the error without blatant disregard for our own associative emotionality through self-hatred. (i.e., We do not want to deconstruct the affective domain of thinking, but rather use it in order to construct a pragmatic worldview.) How we handle our self-perceived accomplishments and failures (i.e., how we place value on our realistically neutral thoughts and actions—whether positive or negative) depends on our analysis of external factors and internal objectives. For example: Did I fail/succeed based on ability or something out of my control? If the answer resides in the former, then adaptations need to be made. If the answer resides in the latter, then no internal blame can be placed on the individual. Of course, the answers to the former question may reside in our (un?)conscious reactions to our childhood.

As children, we are taught that love and affection (which lead to attention) are the sources that de

be standards. When one reaches these standards, there is no room for praise. Success was expected. There is only room for failure, there is only room for criticism (and not the constructive kind). (I am, of course, speaking to and about adults regarding this and not children. It is obvious that until a child has reached a certain age--usually 9 or 10--that the child can begin to develop criterion-based self-esteem since the child's logical abilities to reason have developed further. Until that age, norm-referenced self-esteem needs to be utilized by parents and society, and criterion-based self-esteem needs to be transitionally implemented as the parent sees fit throughout the child's development.)

Conversely, criterion-based self-esteem brings about clarity and removes competition. By analyzing individual objectives and abilities, we are able to generate a ladder of sorts in order to reach any given standard and even go beyond it. When we reach those goals, positive reinforcement must be expected from the inside, regardless of external thoughts on the matter. The same can be said for times when we do not reach our goals. When we have a goal that we do not meet, we must analyze the goal itself to locate the anomaly and correct the error without blatant disregard for our own associative emotionality through self-hatred. (i.e., We do not want to deconstruct the affective domain of thinking, but rather use it in order to construct a pragmatic worldview.) How we handle our self-perceived accomplishments and failures (i.e., how we place value on our realistically neutral thoughts and actions—whether positive or negative) depends on our analysis of external factors and internal objectives. For example: Did I fail/succeed based on ability or something out of my control? If the answer resides in the former, then adaptations need to be made. If the answer resides in the latter, then no internal blame can be placed on the individual. Of course, the answers to the former question may reside in our (un?)conscious reactions to our childhood.

As children, we are taught that love and affection (which lead to attention) are the sources that de

me can be said for times when we do not reach our goals. When we have a goal that we do not meet, we must analyze the goal itself to locate the anomaly and correct the error without blatant disregard for our own associative emotionality through self-hatred. (i.e., We do not want to deconstruct the affective domain of thinking, but rather use it in order to construct a pragmatic worldview.) How we handle our self-perceived accomplishments and failures (i.e., how we place value on our realistically neutral thoughts and actions—whether positive or negative) depends on our analysis of external factors and internal objectives. For example: Did I fail/succeed based on ability or something out of my control? If the answer resides in the former, then adaptations need to be made. If the answer resides in the latter, then no internal blame can be placed on the individual. Of course, the answers to the former question may reside in our (un?)conscious reactions to our childhood.

As children, we are taught that love and affection (which lead to attention) are the sources that define self-worth (norm-referenced self-esteem). We walk for the first time and we hear cheers; we come home with an A on a test and we're commended; if we do something wrong we are punished. This is called the "punishment/reward system" and can lead to lacking self-sufficiency since we depend on others for contentment and satisfaction to construct an identity.

Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements, calls this process "domestication" and states, "We search for perfection outside ourselves, but that is one of the biggest wastes of time," he says. "The truth is that we are already perfect in very individual ways. Whatever you are, you are. That's it." In these terms, one can see how the power of belief plays a significant role in an individual's self-esteem development.

Of course, a person living in an environment where he/she is consistently praised and fawned over may develop adequate self-esteem but only at the whim of those around him/her. If a familial sphere lacks this type of positive reinforcement in conjunction with being taught praise and pride resides in others create our identity, the false dichotomy of bad/good and right/wrong do not develop efficiently because critical thinking skills are not being constructed at a young age (criterion-based self-esteem); rather, what we see are others' skewed views being given more authority than our own intelligence.

In accordance with the power of one's belief system, children have very little power against the wills of and images that society places upon them, so it stands to reason that both the parental and societal obligation is to develop criterion-based self-esteem. At least one point in our lives caused us to feel inadequate based on the opinions of others; however, this does not need to follow us into adolescence and adulthood. These emotional experiences have the potential to teach us what we are not rather than what we are.

We are what we determine ourselves to be and that determination depends on belief. Self-confidence, for example, cannot come from others' perceptions of us since they too only see what we put on display, but too often we believe people see and judge the world as we do. Anais Nin states, "We do not see the world as it is, we see it as we are," and this statement can be applied to self-esteem.

When asked what causes problem self-esteem, most answers are derived from external factors that became internalized; these internalizations became beliefs; these beliefs became facts that dictated capabilities, and thus, our capabilities are now defined by another's will and observation rather than our own. We cannot continue to base personal self-esteem/worth on society's or others' evaluations on what they thought was accurate because their belief systems were compromised by their own skewed perception of what we displayed to them; rather, self-esteem can only be developed internally and hopefully reinforced by those who know us best (but we must understand and accept that even those we love the most will never know us completely and vice versa). If we can model this to others, and self-esteem is internally (rather than externally) created, more will be accomplished (including genuine happiness with one's self-perception).

Change your belief and you change the behavior.